Marissadventures: Feed Your Shining Soul

Home - by Tara Morgan Photography

12:12:00 PM

How to Befriend Somebody’s Best Friend

5:57:00 PM

This may seem like a weird topic, but as a military wife, this is all too prevalent in my life. The military life for spouses basically means moving to a brand new place, knowing little to no people, and trying to make a life there. Now if you’re a spouse you’re probably most commonly in the age range of 19-26 (idk statistics, I’m just guesstimating here). Every single person that moves away from home is leaving their family and their BEST friend. Everyone wants to make friends in a new place, but is it that easy?

Where do you fit in?

As an example, I’ll use me and Tash. When I met Tash, we realized immediately that we were both sharers. We probably know more about each other than most other people in our lives do because we know how to TALK. I remember after learning a few basics about her town and family. I said, “Okay, tell me about your best friend.” And she spent hours telling me in detail about all of the important people in her life back home and I did the same. I think that in my eyes, in order to fully know and love someone, you HAVE to know who they love and why. There’s that saying that says you are a combination of your five closest friends. If that’s the case, then I needed to know who made Tasha who she is, because if it’s important to her, it’s important to me.

First of all, respect your friend’s previous friendships. Never let your heart feel jealous and be the FIRST one to support your friend in ALL of her friendships however you may feel about it. The best way to ruin a friendship is to become caddy and start drama between people who have been lifelong friends. You know how when you get married you have in-laws? Well consider these girls your “friends-in-law” and treat them as such. You never want to disrespect someone who your significant other loves, so why would you do it to a friend?

I didn’t go to highschool with Tasha or my other new friends, I didn’t hold their hair back the first time they got drunk, I wasn’t there for their first kiss, we didn’t get to go to prom together, I didn’t see their awkward middle school phase, and that’s OKAY. Old friends are golden. They’re invaluable and I wouldn’t give up any of my friends for the world. Take value in what you and your friends have and never take any of it for granted. Don’t let your old friends feel forgotten, don’t let your new friends feel like they need to compete. Find a balance to where everyone around you knows they have a piece of your heart and that’s the way it should be.

I may not be your first best friend, I may not be your last, and that’s OKAY. I’m so thankful for every single friend and person that my friends have ever had, because they were shaped into someone that I’ve been able to share my soul with. A piece of my heart belongs to every single one of your best friends because anyone who is THERE for my friends, is MY friend too.

I’ve been away from my hometown for almost three years. Some of my friends were more devastated than others when I moved, and it was SOUL CRUSHING for me to leave my friends. I’m telling you guys I have a seriously awesome support system back home. I have a friend for every problem, every occasion, every memory, every rant, every heartache - they’re there. When I left I was like SHIT what are these girls going to do without me?!?!?

But it turns out, they’re fine (…those bitches) and they’ve made new lifelong friendships and that makes my heart SO HAPPY. Unless I have a bad vibe or a bad feeling about someone, I’m 100% all in for my friends having great friends. In a world where everyone is beating each other down, the more people that are around to lift my girls up, the BETTER.

Friendship is not a job and it’s not a competition. Don’t make your friends feel like they’re competing with each other. Don't be scared to enter a friendship because someone "already has friends". That's a dumb excuse. Everyone has something to bring to the table and your friendship might be EXACTLY what someone needs right now.

To my new friend’s old friends:

Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for doing the long sleepless emotional high school nights, the heartbreaks, the homework copying, the long phone calls, the homecoming dress shopping, the ‘I HATE MY PARENTS’ screaming, and the hand holding when life was tough. Thank you for being a real a true friend to our friend and making her feel loved for as long as you’ve known her. Thank you for being our friend’s biggest fan, and spending so many years of your life making her the friend that I have the pleasure of getting to know now.

I promise to do everything I can to support and love our friend. I promise to always value your friendship with her as much as I value all my other friendships. I promise that no matter what, you and I will always be on the same team in making sure that our friend is happy like she deserves to be. I promise that I will never let anyone belittle or put down our friend because I know that’s not what you would want for her. I promise to never let our friend forget all of the perfect amazing memories she made with you and I promise to listen to her tell me the same inside joke between you two, that I’ll never truly understand. This isn’t a passing of a torch, it’s just adding one extra person onto this big happy friend family.

Shout out to my girl’s girls. You da best.