So, one of the worst things about living in Hawaii is the turnover rate. Hawaii is a place for wanderers, students, and military families, all three of which are temporary. As someone who's had the same best friends since middle school, losing friends is not something I take lightly. Before I had even lived on island for a year, I had already made lifelong friends that were moving off-island. See, here in Hawaii when you find a friend that you vibe with, you don’t let them go. Unless you were born and raised here, you are a transplant that is far away from home and their comfort zone, so finding your “tribe” is one of the greatest moments.

Nine months into my life in Hawaii, and five months into Nate’s first deployment, two of my greatest friends on island had left to go back to their home states. This was a bizarre feeling for me because I’ve known most of my best friends from home since I was 12-13 and I got to hang out with them every day as much as I wanted. Moving to Hawaii I started finding these people that I loved dearly and that were changing me in great ways… and then THEY LEFT. YEP. Just picked up and moved and I wasn’t ready for it AT ALL. Like Wait, what? I met this new person that I love and they’re just GONE!? HOW IS THIS FAIR?!

Well it’s not fair and it sucks. There are some friends that I’ve made on island that I know for a fact I will never see again after we are separated. Then there are those friends that I’ve known since the beginning that they were life-long, and they don’t have a choice when I’m knocking on their door other than to let me in. Sorry beezys! The most beautiful thing about these friendships being separated is that we can continue to see each other forever in fun ways! We can plan trips to see each other (once I’m back on the mainland) and I can’t wait to grow old having girls trips with my friends all over the country. I know forever that I will have a person to see when I’m in Michigan, or California, or on the East Coast. I know it’s cheesy but not all friendships need a 10 year start, to live next door, or to talk every day. All I know is that if Kayla or Amanda – my greatest transplant friends, ever called me in the middle of the night, I would be there in a heartbeat.

Maybe I’m still a little salty that you just left me high and dry… but I’m so proud of you guys and I love watching your lives progress even if I’m not always around you, or texting you, know that I’m HERE and I love you forever and ever. Hawaii changes a person. We may not have all changed in the same way, but we all understand what it feels like to have lived here. That will always tie us together because friends who Hawaii together, stay together.

This may seem like a weird topic, but as a military wife, this is all too prevalent in my life. The military life for spouses basically means moving to a brand new place, knowing little to no people, and trying to make a life there. Now if you’re a spouse you’re probably most commonly in the age range of 19-26 (idk statistics, I’m just guesstimating here). Every single person that moves away from home is leaving their family and their BEST friend. Everyone wants to make friends in a new place, but is it that easy?

As an example, I’ll use me and Tash. When I met Tash, we realized immediately that we were both sharers. We probably know more about each other than most other people in our lives do because we know how to TALK. I remember after learning a few basics about her town and family. I said, “Okay, tell me about your best friend.” And she spent hours telling me in detail about all of the important people in her life back home and I did the same. I think that in my eyes, in order to fully know and love someone, you HAVE to know who they love and why. There’s that saying that says you are a combination of your five closest friends. If that’s the case, then I needed to know who made Tasha who she is, because if it’s important to her, it’s important to me.

First of all, respect your friend’s previous friendships. Never let your heart feel jealous and be the FIRST one to support your friend in ALL of her friendships however you may feel about it. The best way to ruin a friendship is to become caddy and start drama between people who have been lifelong friends. You know how when you get married you have in-laws? Well consider these girls your “friends-in-law” and treat them as such. You never want to disrespect someone who your significant other loves, so why would you do it to a friend?

I didn’t go to highschool with Tasha or my other new friends, I didn’t hold their hair back the first time they got drunk, I wasn’t there for their first kiss, we didn’t get to go to prom together, I didn’t see their awkward middle school phase, and that’s OKAY. Old friends are golden. They’re invaluable and I wouldn’t give up any of my friends for the world. Take value in what you and your friends have and never take any of it for granted. Don’t let your old friends feel forgotten, don’t let your new friends feel like they need to compete. Find a balance to where everyone around you knows they have a piece of your heart and that’s the way it should be.

I may not be your first best friend, I may not be your last, and that’s OKAY. I’m so thankful for every single friend and person that my friends have ever had, because they were shaped into someone that I’ve been able to share my soul with. A piece of my heart belongs to every single one of your best friends because anyone who is THERE for my friends, is MY friend too.

I’ve been away from my hometown for almost three years. Some of my friends were more devastated than others when I moved, and it was SOUL CRUSHING for me to leave my friends. I’m telling you guys I have a seriously awesome support system back home. I have a friend for every problem, every occasion, every memory, every rant, every heartache - they’re there. When I left I was like SHIT what are these girls going to do without me?!?!?

But it turns out, they’re fine (…those bitches) and they’ve made new lifelong friendships and that makes my heart SO HAPPY. Unless I have a bad vibe or a bad feeling about someone, I’m 100% all in for my friends having great friends. In a world where everyone is beating each other down, the more people that are around to lift my girls up, the BETTER.

Friendship is not a job and it’s not a competition. Don’t make your friends feel like they’re competing with each other. Don't be scared to enter a friendship because someone "already has friends". That's a dumb excuse. Everyone has something to bring to the table and your friendship might be EXACTLY what someone needs right now.

To my new friend’s old friends:

Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for doing the long sleepless emotional high school nights, the heartbreaks, the homework copying, the long phone calls, the homecoming dress shopping, the ‘I HATE MY PARENTS’ screaming, and the hand holding when life was tough. Thank you for being a real a true friend to our friend and making her feel loved for as long as you’ve known her. Thank you for being our friend’s biggest fan, and spending so many years of your life making her the friend that I have the pleasure of getting to know now.

I promise to do everything I can to support and love our friend. I promise to always value your friendship with her as much as I value all my other friendships. I promise that no matter what, you and I will always be on the same team in making sure that our friend is happy like she deserves to be. I promise that I will never let anyone belittle or put down our friend because I know that’s not what you would want for her. I promise to never let our friend forget all of the perfect amazing memories she made with you and I promise to listen to her tell me the same inside joke between you two, that I’ll never truly understand. This isn’t a passing of a torch, it’s just adding one extra person onto this big happy friend family.

Shout out to my girl’s girls. You da best.

I got married young. I was fresh off my 21^st birthday and I was the first one of all my friends to get married. This was a shock for everybody, because let’s just say I wasn’t the “hopeless romantic” type. When I told my best friends about my engagement, three were ridiculously happy and three were like LOL WUT. Which was perfect - because if your friends can’t be real with you, why are you friends? Being the first married, I got to set the bar for my bridesmaids who (I think all?) had never been in a wedding before. Because I was young, and poor, and also really poor, I didn’t get to spoil my girls as much as I would if I were to have my big day today. I don’t know if I would consider myself a Bridezilla, but I definitely had no idea what the hell I was doing. Regardless, I had the greatest bridesmaids. 

My friends have an extremely wide range of BIG personalities, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. This lead to some arguments, some shade thrown, but most of all they were all next to me on the most important day of my life. Having my six best friends stand by me on that day was my proudest moment. I looked at each of them with admiration and respect and I honestly wouldn’t be the person I am today without each and every one of them. I know how much my heart needed them there with me, which is why when I my best friend Kristin asked me to stand by her side, I was pumped.

Sometimes I think people take for granted the honor that is being a bridesmaid. Having already had a wedding, and knowing how IMPORTANT and crucial my girls were, I couldn’t wait to be that person for my Sassy Assy (Kristin). As a bridesmaid, the bride is looking to you for fun and support during family drama, looking to you for help with errands and favors and last minute wedding nuances, looking to you for guidance and assurance while getting ready, looking to you as a calming support system before the ceremony, looking to you to initiate the crazy dancing during the reception, and looking to you for friendship on the best day of her life.

I don’t know if this is a thing, but I don’t really give a shit. I was MADE to be a bridesmaid. I’m not sure what part of my life lead to this. Whether it’s my “friends before everything” mindset I’ve had since I was 14, or my love for wedding planning and details, but I loved the shit out of every second of being a bridesmaid. Yes the hair and makeup and dress were all PERFECT and SO fun, but this wasn’t the point for me. (Not to mention I literally cried my eyes out in the hotel suite after she got her makeup done because she was the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen in my entire life.)  Being able to hug Kristin goodnight after the best and most exhausting day of her life, seeing her happy, knowing that I got to be with her every step of the way, was the greatest feeling that I could ever have as someone’s friend. I live to make people happy and make people laugh. On the most important day of Kristin’s life I got to make sure that she did both from sun up until sundown and it’s an experience I’ll never forget.

Thank you sassy for this amazing honor and I love you more than words! I would do this 10000x over just to be by your side. I wish you and Jake a long and happy life together. Who knew we would both be married by 25? Not me!

p.s. If anyone wants me to be a bridesmaids or a ring bearer or an usher or a parking sign, hit a girl up because I love me some weddings. 

Kristin's Wedding Photos by JMGant Photography

Our Makeup A Ray Of Color

Flowers Simply Home

 We'll start her off in typical Marissa fashion..... lol

Congratulations Kristin & Jake I love you guys!

For more beautiful photos from JMGant Photography from my sassy's big day, look here!